: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i will never coherently bang her
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
