I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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