dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
