carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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