I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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