My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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