Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
