Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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