Umm I'm too high to move.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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