That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
