my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize