Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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