I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
