He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
