He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
