..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
