I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
PANTIES FOUND
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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