He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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