wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just threw up on my dentist
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
