After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
