this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The adults are the big ones right?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
