the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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