Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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