i would punch a child for taco bell
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
