I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Can't talk, ducks in the car
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
