i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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