Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
