i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
