he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
