I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
