she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
