I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
