I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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