Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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