just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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