Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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