the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
