I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
