I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize