He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
