this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
