I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
