mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
