New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
