Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
