there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
