On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Please, let me fuck your mom
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize