Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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