Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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