Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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