i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
