I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
can u get pink eye on your cock?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
