i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
