Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
