I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
