i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
