I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
