I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
