He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
