Please, let me fuck your mom
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
