So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize