you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
PANTIES FOUND
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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