I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
