An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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