i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
