Quick, to the slutcave!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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