One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
