I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
