I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
