so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
