you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
