i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
