Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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