I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He did a backflip because drugs
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
