she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This baby is an asshole
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize