Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
