i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
