Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
