I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
