paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize