yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
even my farts smell like vagina
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
