the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
