i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
