Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sober January is a disaster.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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