dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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