At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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