If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
