um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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