I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
